Legally Changed My Name!!

My name is exactly the same. All I've just done is changed the spelling of my surname to the CORRECT spelling. My name was, Jaskaran Singh Bhattle... And I changed it to Jaskaran Singh Bhathal. I know what you're all probably NOT thinking (I hope you were, but either way, you're racist), "Jas, why didn't you change your first name as well? It sounds like a Middle Eastern, no fly-zoned country full of WMDs." I was thinking of it at first but then I just thought to myself: Who gives a fuck? No one ever calls me by my first name anyway - mainly because they just give up on the second attempt of trying to pronounce the HIDEOUS name... (in case you haven't already noticed, I'm not a fan of my own name.)

There's a few things kind of weird about this whole situation. 1. How on Earth did my father manage to misspell our whole family's surname? 2. After 35+ years, why does he even give a fuck all of a sudden? I haven't bothered asking my father for the reasons, but I have bothered to come up with my own theory though - 'Cuz I'm a twat.

(Note: My theory is ever so slightly OVER exaggerated)

35+ years ago, my dad came off his banana boat and set his sandal wearing feet on the land of the Queen. At border control, they looked at his Kenyan passport and asked what his name was in ENGLISH.. (Even though the passport is in English - That's not the point... Just hear me out...)
My father obviously only knew very little English. But bare in mind he knows other useless languages but didn't bother learning English (Those languages: Punjabi, Hindi, Gujarati, Swahili.) Okay, I should stop overly ripping my own father and just get back to my theory. Anyway, they probably just heard my father say the surname and just wrote how it sounded (as you would).

Moral of the story is... name your children something nice... and something they won't wanna kill themselves over. (not referring to my surname, but my first name) Thank you and good night.

Twitter: @MRFUNGILICIOUS

The Creeper

Recently, this guy has been calling my sister on her phone at ridiculous time and saying the most vile things to her. She gave me his number for me to "investigate"... I saved him to my phone as "WankStain" and little did my sister know that I sent it to every number in my phonebook and told them to prank call it whenever they get bored, and all I want in return is a name. After just a week, all I've ever wanted in my life is this catfucker's name. None of the people I speak to recognized the number. The only thing I had on him is the fact he has a really shitty Brummy accent or a Midlands Accent (whatever, they all sound the same.) 
But anyway, long story short, I found out his name... I was looking through the people who are in my phonebook that I haven't yet added yet on Snapchat and "WankStain" came up. Ladies and gentlemen, his name is Ricky Hothi (Here's his number if you wanna prank him: 07508983724)
The story doesn't end here... I did my part, found out the name and passed it onto my sister and she can deal with whatever she wants to do with that name but, I have this fuckers Snapchat.... Soooo, I did what every immature fucker would do to a guy like that... I sent him a Snapchat of my morning poop, titled "I'm coming to get you, Ricky Boy." I've decided to send him loads and loads of Snapchats of fucked up stuff, with the same title... Feel free to join in... His Snapchat is "RickyHothi" but make sure you title you Snapchats with "I'm coming to get you, Ricky Boy." 

Okay, hope you all do the right thing and join in. Have a nice day... Also brb, I'mma send him a Snapchat of my penis. It's tiny but it'll do the damage to his brain... 
PEACE.