I want to share a few stories with you. And I hope you find it funny, but most of all I hope you realize that the online delivery service and I have been through a lot together! We're basically fuck buddies... JOKE! Now get that sick imagery out of your perverted minds.
There's one thing I find really funny about the way Just-Eat works. And that is the fact that they email you 3-4 days after your order - asking whether your meal went well and what not. But in my head all I read is "DID YOU HAVE THE SHITS".... That has got to be the reason why they Email you over 3 days later.
On the comment section before the end of the order, I tend to get bored and just send them dirty jokes, or sometimes like to make 'em feel uncomfortable by saying "Add extra chillys.. enough for me to shit for a whole week"
Okay, so here's one story which I found pretty hilarious.
I was hosting a mini get-together at my home last year and I was starving so I thought I'd order some food for myself because I'm a lazy bastard and couldn't be bothered making myself anything plus I don't really know how to cook. So, when I was ordering food, I got up to around £20 in total costs and all I had on the list was like 2 pizzas or something... I carried on with the order and confirmed it with "Pay on Delivery" but as it was pending I realised that it was a restaurant in St. Helens (pretty distant but not too far) so I thought FUCK THAT, that'll take forever... SO I just closed the window on my laptop and carried on searching for another takeaway, thinking nothing about that previous order. From this new Takeaway I found, I ordered the exact same things as I ordered from the other takeaway AND the price came to to £12 ... I high five'd myself straight away and waited... and waited... and waited.. and guess what? - I WAITED... TOOK AN HOUR..... Then it finally came.. I ate it like a monster.... Or you could say, I ate it like an Ethiopian that saw food for the first time.
20 minutes after my feast with my friends, the door knocked again... I went outside, and SAW that it was another delivery guy. But this delivery guy looked like some kind of illegal immigrant -he didnt sound like he was a fluent English speaker... I immediately knew it was the other takeaway from St. Helens so I just went outside.
The delivery guy was confused why I did'nt respond to the box of pizzas so he just said, "did you order food?".. I obviously said NO otherwise I'd have to PAY for something I didn't want. So, he was showing me the receipt WITH MY FUCKIN NAME ON IT & WITH MY ADDRESS ON IT... And I was like, "Naaa, it must be a wrong address or something"... The poor brown guy really confused looking down the street... I didn't want him to bother us again so I told him not to knock again because "EPIC EXCUSE" MY MOTHERS ASLEEP..... And he said "Na, I will ring number, sorry to bother you".
I immediately ran into the house and took the wires out of the house phone... BUT I kept on getting calls on my mobile, but I never picked up... They carried on ringing and ringing for THREE WHOLE HOURS... But I was being a cunt and not picking up.
But then EVENTUALLY I GOT A TEXT SAYING:
"You Paki basterd, I know where you live.. Im gonna get your windows smashed you Curry loving fuckface"
.....I couldnt stop laughing for ages, and my phone was getting swarmed with hate texts soo I went and text THEM BACK... I didn't wanna argue about the abuse, I just wanted to fuck with their heads... I had something in my mind at the time, They called me a "paki" (I'm actually Indian) cause they read my horrible name... So I thpught of the best way to MINDFUCK 'em
I replied saying: "DUDE, I'M WHITE! ;)" .... I woke up to billions of miscalls the next day LMAO
Now, for my final story of this blog-post!!
I got bored waiting for my food so I thought I'd bother the Online Helpline on the site, HERE IT IS... ENJOY and have a nice day:
Welcome to Just Eat Customer Services.
You are through to Lauren.
Lauren:
Hello, you are through to Lauren, how may I help you?
JAS:
WHERE IS MY FOOD? ♥
Lauren:
I can see it is not due until 17.05pm?
JAS:
thats 5 mins?
Lauren:
Yes
JAS:
butbut but, im hungryyyy
JAS:
lol
Lauren:
So it should be with you in the next 5-6 minutes
Lauren:
Sorry Jas
Lauren:
Is there anything else I can help you with?>
JAS:
Well, I do have a back problem you could help me with,... Oh and a trapped nerve in my neck?
Lauren:
I'm sorry, I can't help you with those things
Lauren:
Is there anything else JUST EAT related that I can help you with?
JAS:
But, you asked You soooo miserable GAWWWWD
JAS:
foods here
JAS:
thakknkkksss
Lauren:
OK, have a nice evening and enjoy your food.
